Siblings Fighting Over Elderly Parent Care: 6 Common Problems and Solutions

Elderly parent care is a situation many families face, and it can sometimes lead to tension between siblings. These disagreements are common and can become emotionally challenging.

Understanding the root causes of these issues can help families navigate them more smoothly and avoid straining relationships.

Below are six common sibling caregiving issues, along with some practical solutions.

Read and learn how to resolve elderly care conflicts between siblings.

1. Unequal Distribution of Responsibilities

One sibling often ends up taking on the majority of caregiving responsibilities. This can happen when one sibling lives closer to the parent or simply has more time available.

Over time, the sibling providing most of the care may start to feel frustrated or overwhelmed. They might feel like the other siblings are not doing their fair share, which can lead to resentment and strain family relationships.

Solution: Open Communication and Task Sharing

Communication is crucial in resolving elder care disputes. Families need to sit down and discuss caregiving tasks openly and how they can be shared more equally.

It's important to be honest about what each sibling can contribute. Not everyone has the same capacity, but even small contributions of time, emotional support, or financial help can make a big difference.

2. Financial Disagreements

Caring for an elderly parent can come with significant expenses. Siblings may disagree about who should pay for certain things, such as medical bills, home care, or other caregiving costs.

If one sibling contributes more financially while another provides more time, tensions can arise about whether the efforts are truly balanced. These financial disagreements can be one of the biggest sources of conflict between siblings.

Solution: Create a Financial Plan Together

To avoid elderly care conflicts, it's helpful to create a clear financial plan as early as possible. Families should agree on how the costs of caregiving will be split and ensure that everyone is comfortable with the arrangement.

A good way to manage this is by setting up a joint fund, which can be used to cover caregiving expenses. Consulting a financial advisor can also help siblings navigate complex situations and ensure all aspects of the parent's care are accounted for.

By tackling finances together, families can reduce misunderstandings and tension. This allows you to concentrate on more immediate care needs.

3. Differing Opinions on Care Needs

Siblings may not always agree on the level of care their parents need. One sibling might feel that staying at home with some help is sufficient, while another believes that moving to a community with specialized care is the best option.

These differing opinions can cause frustration, especially if siblings are unable to agree on what's best for their parents.

Solution: Seek Professional Guidance

When siblings can't agree on their parent's care, it can help to bring in an outside expert, such as a geriatric care manager. A professional can provide an objective view of the situation and advise on what kind of care is most appropriate based on the parent's needs.

This can take some of the pressure off the family and make it easier to find a solution that everyone is comfortable with.

4. Geographical Distance

When siblings live far apart, it's often the local sibling who ends up handling most of the caregiving tasks. This can lead to feelings of frustration or being overwhelmed, as the sibling who lives nearby may feel like they are carrying the burden alone.

On the other hand, siblings who live farther away may feel guilty about not being able to help more.

Solution: Find Ways for Everyone to Contribute

Even if one sibling lives far away, there are still ways they can contribute to the caregiving process. For example, they can manage finances, handle medical paperwork, or keep in touch with doctors and care providers.

Regularly checking in with both the parent and the caregiving sibling through phone or video calls can also provide emotional support. Finding ways for everyone to contribute, regardless of distance, helps reduce the pressure on the sibling who lives closest and makes the process feel more collaborative.

5. Emotional Stress and Guilt

Caregiving can be emotionally exhausting. Siblings may feel a range of emotions, including guilt, frustration, and sadness. These feelings are normal, but they can become overwhelming, especially if one sibling feels they aren't doing enough or another feels like they are doing too much.

Solution: Prioritize Self-Care and Offer Emotional Support

Recognizing the emotional toll of caregiving is essential. Siblings need to support one another and allow space to express their feelings. Encourage each other to take breaks when needed and seek emotional support, whether through therapy, support groups, or simply talking to one another.

Acknowledging the emotional impact caregiving has on everyone involved can help siblings be more understanding and patient with one another.

6. Lack of Long-Term Care Plan

Without a long-term care plan, siblings may find themselves scrambling to make decisions during moments of crisis. This can lead to rushed choices and disagreements.

This is particularly true if siblings have different ideas about what's best for their parents. These last-minute decisions can strain relationships and make an already stressful situation worse.

Solution: Develop a Comprehensive Care Plan Early

To avoid these conflicts, it's best to create a long-term care plan well in advance. Ideally, this should happen while the parent is still able to participate in the conversation.

The plan should address everything from medical care to living arrangements, and it should be revisited regularly to ensure it still reflects the parent's needs. By having a clear plan in place, families can avoid making rushed decisions and feel more confident that they are doing what's best for their parents.

Assisted Living: Elderly Parent Care Resolved

Disagreements between siblings over elderly parent care are common, but they don't have to cause lasting damage to family relationships. Open communication, careful planning, and seeking professional guidance when needed can help families work through these challenges together.

If you're looking for peace of mind knowing that your parents are well cared for, we invite you to explore our assisted living community. Let us help ease the transition and provide the care your loved ones deserve.